Stagnate State

            I always saw myself going to a grand university ever since my high school freshman year in 2009. I would often dream of attending UCLA or UCSB as a biology major, with the ultimate goal of becoming a doctor specializing in neurology or cancer research. Most of my family and even some of my teachers supported my hopes to one day reach these goals, mainly because I demonstrated an advanced proficiency for all science topics. These aspirations, however, drastically came apart once I entered my junior year of high school. Feeling extremely discouraged by the obvious separations in classes based on intelligence, I assumed that I was incapable of ever reaching my dreams of becoming a doctor. This discouragement continued on into my senior year of high school, causing me to lose all hope of attending any big university; however, I also lost any and all aspirations of attending college at all.

            Grad graduate in 2013, at all. y; however, I also lost any and all aspirations of attending college at all. uating from high school in 2013, I was left motionless in the new position I was forced into as a new participant of the outside world. I had come to the ultimate decision to skip the fall semester of college which soon led to completely skipping an entire year. I did, however, begin attending Oxnard College in the summer of 2014 as an attempt to slowly adjust into the life of a college student. Registering into a history class, I was surprised by the amount of essays we were being asked to write in a small time frame; in fact, I realized how much I had forgotten about essay writing and about school in general. I quickly overcame this little drawback and continued on into the current fall semester of 2014.

            This being my first semester as a full-time student, I have learned that college is not at all the way it is perceived to be by counselors at high schools. Although the stress of completing class work by their indicated deadlines does become overwhelming at times, it never reaches a point at which it is no longer doable. This is not taking into account, though, the chaos of having to juggle the scattered hours of class that I must attend. I was lucky enough to register into classes that only occupy my Mondays, Tuesdays, and Wednesdays; however, I am probably so used to the routine of a five-days-a-week high school schedule that I still feel an uneasiness of only being occupied on certain days of the week. Nevertheless, I still manage to maintain some sense of stability by reminding myself that the feelings of uneasiness and chaos are only temporary forks on the path to a better, more fulfilling future.

            The thought of continuing my education after high school as I was nearing the date of my graduation almost seemed alien to me. As with the rest of the members of my family that are somewhat in my age range, I had no aspirations to strive for a college education. However, as I sat back during my year off from school, I began to notice in my family what had always inspired me to make something of myself: my fear of a stagnate life. This, along with my need for a creative outlet, has inspired me to invest myself into my hopes for a career that I can love and not view as a “job.”