31 January 2017

Everything has been feeling balanced in my life. Not everything is fixable, and that's me included. Not every aspect and detail of my life can be shifted and shaped into the manner that I would prefer. And in no way can I promise that I know what I am doing to make sure the past doesn't happen again. However, what I can say and prove is that I am willing to try harder and more critically than I have ever been willing to do before. This wasn't something that was decided from one night to the next, or one solitary accomplished action. This was a build of years of practicing control and allowing myself to learn that there is a worse place I can allow myself to go if I surrender. In all honesty, I'm still trying to figure how to even journal. I know it'll be beneficial in getting back into writing, but it's finding the motivation to do something like this that is hard for me to do. Half the time I get lost in what it is I should write and what I shouldn't, considering that this is a public blog that can easily be searched (believe me, I tested that possibility). It's brute honesty that drives me though to be open enough to discuss certain aspects of myself in a way not too revealing to those who read anything public, but specific enough to have personalized substance for me to reference back to. Why should censoring the reality of individual lives be a concern though? Is hiding the natural course of human development in various forms a beneficial part of how we live? I don't believe that feeling things is something that should be drowned out. Yes, it has it's appropriate situations, but it is a reality that is often pushed too far back and dismissed, and that's not okay.